I drove to St Helena last weekend in the height of the mustard season..where the earth is carpeted with lush, yellow beyond yellow fields of wild mustard...partnered with the neat, calculated rows upon rows of luscious vineyards..and the clouds and the fancy wine castles and the French bakeries...Its a visual smorgasboard. 

So a few days ago I asked a freind to go into the studio and forage for my watercolors (which I don't know how to use), bright colorful inks and some flimsy watercolor brushes that I havent used in twenty years.?  I took over the kitchen table like I used to do back in the day...And I swear, out of boredom, maybe desperation because I am in pain and frankly a lonley temporarily crippled person...I STARTED TO PAINT FOR NO REASON.

So far I have five or six bad paintings about pain and legs and faces and aching and throbbing and who knows what..I want to do 50 more but I think I have to do one or two at a time then collapse in exaustion. 

Who would have guessed that this major surgery to ultimatly fix my sweet sore hip would provide me with the opportunity to create lousy art, prompted by no one, commissioned by no one, not intended to sell or to display..Just for me ...for my own sake..for my own expression, to release some of the frustration and swirlly physical and spiritual pain that is part of the healing process.

One more time I find myself blessed after I admit total defeat.  Can't walk (yet), can't dance (yet).don't have much to give bercause I am tired, resting, healing...I give up..can't do anything...yet as a resultI  find myself making ridiculous paintings I never planned on  simply for myself  ? 



Then on that Tuesday morning I watched the towers fall...in horror, in disbelief, almost numb...I dropped the kids off, as usual, drove to the studio, as usual and set out to continue my colorful encaustic narrative about the amazingly beautiful contradictions in my life..in everybody's life...

I remember trying hard to lift my spirits with the yellows and golds...but shortly I  found m;yself on the studio patio lighting the sensational newspapers about the tragedy on fire..Then I took a small abandaoned slab of concrete laying in the dirt  and pounded the hell out of it,  sweating and pounding it on the ground with all my might until most of it turned to dust..

I gathered u a pile of those ashes and another handful of that concrete dust.  Then I added the fine gray concrete dust and the jet black ashes to my beeswax base and I started to paint.

My Paintings to the World on September 11 and September 12, 2001: 

Nine Eleven

Encaustic mixed media with ashes and concrete dust

The Sky Fell

Encaustic Mixed Media with ashes and concrete dust

May God Bless Us All

To me, art…or at least, “the “best” art…speaks to the quality of mystery of an unspeakable essence that we all know as  human beings..a part of life and of ourselves that we know exists, yet we do not understand it nor can we explain it…Paul Kleesaid that ”Painting is about the non-visible”.

This is what I want to be able to offer you as a teacher..an exhilarating experiencewith the amazing nature of paint. Colorful, wet, dripping, spreadable, mixable, spreadable, wild, subdued, harsh, stark, heavy, flowing, layered… paint …an inexplicable entry way into to that mysterious intuitive source we each possess…

This Intuitive Painting workshop has evolved over the past ten years as an expression of all the experiences that have influenced  me as a working artist.  I have developed an interesting and, I think, a unique style of teaching.  Here is how I see myself this weekend:

A teacher-  I will offer you  techniques and describe art materials and their usage for you to try, showing examples if needed. 

A coach-I am here to cheer you on, to encourage you to keep going, to loosen up, to try, to prevail, you-can-do-it!

A cheer leader-  I get to gaze in amazement at the creative process in action and

pass that amazement on to you, to refocus your attention of how great you are doing

An artist-  (MFA, Cal State Chico)I will offer you feedback as a professional fine artist regarding formal qualities of painting such as balance, composition, color..etc… If I do give some advice you do not like, well..I can usually tell and you do not have to follow anything I say!

An art therapist In the 80’s I trained and am certified from Boston’s Lesley University in Art and Expressive Therapy, (MA, ATR)which allows me to understand the risks that go into facing a workshop like this…Sometimes the “power of the brush” unleashed, in a safe atmosphere, can unlock patterns of resistance we have carried for years and years. Sometimes the images that arise are uncomfortable, sometimes the urge to quit overtakes us. But I assure you as we travel along with the ups and downs (mostly ups!)there is a good chance you may experience a profound understanding that you have not  felt in a while, and hopefully leave here with a a desire to keep creating long past our busy weekend. It is my job to console, to re-frame, to comfort if need be without judgment.

So with that, I want to remind us all that we are a closed unit, what we say stays, and that we offer feedback that is honest yet positive and insightful.

OK,  let’s get started!                      cynthia s            May 2011

It's fear.

Of the unknown.  Of losing something we have ..or of not getting what we want.

So do the changes in spring imply fear for me?  Doesn't feel like it because its so incredibley beautiful outside I forget that I have changed.  I have alreaddy changed.  Empty nest, more expenses, new friends..the changes have already happened and what I need to do is to catch up with what already is.

I heard someone on the radio say "Paint what you fear"  Hmm that's a start.

..but this is a worry that is simply habitual and not based in reality..and it doesn't help me...because the truth is that I am lucky enough to be living a life I choose...and being the person who I am meant to be which is a creativity conduit. That is who and what I am..

The truth is that the more I am who I am meant to be, my bills fall by the wayside..  I had  some incredible serendipity experiences  in Alaska, including meeting Romney Dodd* and networking my work and website, even strutting home with a beautiful pair of hand painted clogs.  I may be creating a community art program for teens in Fort Yukon Alaska this summer..and to top it off, I came home to a check waiting because two pieces sold while I was gone! ..........................My creativity sustains me.  I won't worry at least for today

... the proper positioning or state of adjustment of parts in relation to each

My goal for now is Alignment.  My this I mean  that my thinking has to be in line with my greater purpose which is to kindle the creative spirit in myself and others.  I remember to align my spine so I don't tilt when I walk.  I attempt to allign my work so that my actions are in sync with what I love to do , what I'm good at and what I want to accomplish in the future...And I want to allign myself with whatever quality that I need to really appreciate and adore the people in my life.

 I want to keep aligned to the reality of all that is, not the limited vision of what I see in front of my eyes. There is always depth, more to it. 

I just returned from the American Art Therapy Assn International Conference, this year in Sacramento. I haven't been to one of the art therapy conventions in long while because I have been busy painting and  expanding as an artist and haven't felt an interest to sit in an audience listening to clinical presentations analyzing something that I believe can't be put into words.  However this year I succomed because the conference was close and I had the opportunity to see dear friends from back in the days of art therapy graduate school at Lesley College.

I am incredibly greatful that I was inspired enough to get myself down to the AATA convention and to spend the big chunk of money on a conference that I could have spent a million other ways.  WOW.  I got fired up.  . I got reminded again about the importance of what I do.  I got reminded of the power behind creative expression and the power behind just VIEWING creative expression.  And most of all I realized that I not only get to do my work but in a sense I have to...the world needs relief, people want  to feel the part of themselves they have forgotten. And I am wired to help in a good way.  So I am.

I re- remebered what art does:

Art is good karma ..especially with the help of an art therapist guide, making art can redirect human energy into  positive action.  Art can prevent us from causing harm to ourslves or others.

Art reinforces the notion that we are not alone  In a group we can make images and share them with peers.  In therapy we share with a trusted counselor .  Alone, we share the image with the muse, and then with viewers .  There is always a dialogue with creation, which requires two..hence we always, always have company. Even in solitude, as art makers we experience the ever-Presence of the mysterious Creator

Art feels good   Alone, in a group, with an art therapist guide, a teacher, a freind..art links us to the spirit of play, to curiosity, to fun, to relief.

Art is a teacher.  Our imagery that we allow is essentially a map to what we cannot talk about at first.  It gives form to the parts of ourselves we may not even realize we have, and it contains those surprises in a way we can handle, especially if we have a trusted person (art therapist) holding our hand. 

Just looking at visual art is healing.  Our brains a wired to respond to imagery.  We have bodily reactions to beauty that are enlightening,  help us feel good and re-align us with the abundant beauty everywhere in this world including the wonder inside every person. We can meditate on an image and feel God, or the pain of the artist who created the piece, or we can share it with someone as a way to communicate something we cannot describe with words.

Art calms us down  Everybody is so busy.  We are all worried about something.  We're trying to figure it  out, whatever "it" may be..We have alot of "shoulds" that we are not doing, being or having. The act of creation requires a decision to stop.  Stop and then allow yourself to be open.  To let go.  To relax.

Art gives us energy Paradoxically, in art making,  at the same moment we relax, we are energized. We feel the pulse of inspiration..the creative juices, the flow of ideas from the heart to the hand, seemingly by-passing the brain.  It fires us up and feels great.

The more art I make the more I have to give away The more I paint, the stronger the connection "the Source" becomes and I can feel it.  With this inner Knowing (my Creative Companion),  I get fueled to inspire others to take advantage of their own creative resources.  I always have to feed the fire, because you can't give away what you haven't got..and if you try, it shows

This, I suppose,  is the place of total surrender.  And in this place amazing colorful  things happen because you have stopped struggling  and you just sway your hand with the paint-laden brush  and you realize it is joyful.

Here is my latest Facebook page to update people on the present and my past art adventures including the upcoming workshops and commentaries from other people..

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Cynthia-Art-Inspiration/101392366584909?ref=sgm